Hope for my Soul
by The Rebellious Observer
Summary: Whereby truths are found, revelations made, and relationships broken and strengthened. Takedai yaoi.


Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon, nor do I make any money off of it. I wish I owned those hunky Digi-boys, though! =o) I do, however, own the plot and the (crappy!) poem, so nobody can sue me for those. Yay! =o) (Also, on the off-chance that you'd like to archive this story, please inform me first =o).

Author's Note: In this story, the characters are all a little older. Their ages are:

Iori- 12

Daisuke- 16

Takeru- 16

Kari- 16

Miyako- 17

Ken- 17

Izzy- 18

Mimi- 18

Yamato- 19

Tai- 19

Sora- 19

Jyou- 20

One last thing: Be warned, this story has **yaoi**! (Takedai, to be exact) This means **slash**, which translates to, for the sake of those who don't yet have the fanfiction lingo down yet, **same sex relations**. _Romantic_ relations. So if there are any homophobes still reading this, remember that you have had ample warning. 

            Daisuke had always been aware of the fact that he was not quite normal. This, in itself, was not something to be unduly perturbed by, as any self-confident, individualistic personage would immediately declare. However, this idealistic mindset, while warmly embraced in theory by the general populous, is rarely put to use by a great deal of people until a (much) later period in life (if ever). And thus it was reasonable, indeed, even foreseeable, for Daisuke to feel pointedly alienated by his peers, something simply not acceptable to him at the tender age of six (though, if we are truthful, this isolation would be disturbing to almost anyone, whatever age they may be). All through his early years, Daisuke found himself observing somewhat significant differences between himself and the other children his age. While the other children were busy learning how to crawl, he was already taking his first teetering steps. While the other kids began learning the alphabet and participating in arts and crafts, Daisuke, long familiar to those things, was busy concentrating on learning the different keys of the piano and completing reading advanced chapter-books. It was one day, however, at the beginning of 2nd grade in Obidia Elementary, when Daisuke (age six) came to a conclusion that would serve to alter his lifestyle a great deal, for quite some time to come. 

He'd distinguished the fact that the loud, rambunctious athletes in his school were infinitely more popular and accepted by the majority of the students in his school than people such as himself, those who were undisputedly introverted and extremely talented in a number of areas. And so Daisuke came to the conclusion that, in order to finally be accepted by society, he must alter his public self to become more like those venerated few. Which is exactly what he did. 

Years passed by, and in that time, Daisuke managed to completely transform his public image. Nobody remembered the old him, the quiet, contemplative child who looked before he leaped. Instead, there was a new person presented to the world, a foolhardy boy who loudly declared his opinions (no matter the circumstances or consequences) and acted on impulse rather than sense. Of course, something as drastic as a new personality was bound to be noticed by _somebody_, but Daisuke was a smart child, and found ways to ensure that nobody would. His manner at home remained unchanged. That isn't to say that either parent would have noticed a change in his behavior if he _had_ continued his facade, even within the household, as neither was ever home long enough, or frequently enough, to be able to discern the change. Jun, Daisuke's older sister, did note the difference in his public manner, yet kindly refrained from discussing this with him (for she, despite her faults, still loved her brother, and if acting the way he did while in front of others made him happy, then who was she to comment on or condemn his choice?). Daisuke's 2nd grade teacher hadn't yet had time, that early in the year, to acquaint herself with all of her new students, and because Daisuke maintained his impeccable grades (secretly, of course), she had no reason to be discomforted by his odd behavior. 

Thus the years passed by and all seemed well. Dai, as we all know, became a remarkable soccer player, and eventually the new leader of a secret group of Chosen Children and their Digimon companions. One of these children happened to be a girl by the name of Hikari "Kari" Yagami. She was easily the most popular girl at Obidia Elementary, and Daisuke had made it a point to pursue her early on, even before he'd known about the Digital World. His general impression of her was of a sweet, even-tempered girl with a nice smile who was pleasant to be around. (After becoming more acquainted with her during the early trials and tribulations tackled by the second generation of Digidestined, he maintained this impression, yet also came to genuinely like and admire her for herself, and not just her sterling reputation.) She never laughed at him when he looked foolish, or put him down when he made a mistake (things that Daisuke had found happening more and more frequently since he'd assumed his "new image"). Everyone loved Kari, so Daisuke tried to convince himself that he did too; he determinedly set forth in his courtship. 

However, fate had a different idea.

From the moment Daisuke had resolved to turn Kari into his girlfriend, things started going wrong. 

Firstly, Hikari only viewed their relationship as strictly platonic. Though this in itself was not that spectacular an obstacle to overcome, Dai considered it to be something of a detour, and after further contemplation decided to simply ignore the problem, as he assumed that it would eventually go away after Kari realized just how beneficial to their reputations a relationship between them could be.  

Secondly, a blonde bombshell named Takeru Takaishi came to town; he, apparently had also been one of the 1st Digidestined (now part of the 2nd generation as well), and was a childhood friend of Kari's. If this alone wasn't enough to make Dai jealous and resentful of him, he had plenty of other things about him that made Dai seethe. To name a few, Takeru was a family friend of the Yagami family, well-liked by both Kari (who seemed like she'd consider a more-than-platonic relationship with _him_) and her brother Tai (who happened to be one of Dai's idols -- the other being Ken Ichijouji (though Dai would never admit _that_)). Takeru had a popular older brother (which had, by association, made him popular as well), natural athletic prowess (though it had literally taken Dai _years_ to get as good at sports as he was at that time), and an easy charm and grace of manner that made people stop, do a double-take (though that may have had more to do with his good looks), and listen to what he had to say. He seemed to have it all. Oh, yes, Dai _really_ disliked Takeru.  

But these two obstacles paled in comparison to the last, but most certainly not the least, of Dai's troubles in securing Kari as his girlfriend. For, you see, Dai had several rather life-altering surprises when he turned thirteen. He discovered that he wasn't physically attracted to Kari at all; indeed, he wasn't even drawn to the female form in general. He was homosexual; furthermore, he felt that he might even be falling in love with a certain someone. A certain someone that he _never_, _ever _would have chosen to fall in love with. A certain someone named…Takeru.

This unforeseen aspect of himself, which Dai considered to be abnormal and shameful, and hidden at all costs, had to be dealt with. So that's exactly what he did. Suddenly, he was a little more outrageous in his attempts at getting Kari to notice him, and a little more snappish and critical towards Takeru.

If anybody noticed this, it was not mentioned. 

Years passed by and things, like before, continued as they were. 

Until one day, that is, when Dai (age sixteen) decided that he had to do _something_, if just to keep himself from going mad.

It was all very simple, really.

Dai decided to, as unobtrusively as possible, slip a self-written love poem in Takeru's backpack, unsigned and unmarked, and that would be that. Takeru, long familiar to being the object of many school-age crushes, probably wouldn't even think twice about it after skimming it over once, and then carefully chucking it into the trash. 

Or, at least Dai earnestly hoped that that would be the case. 

God only knew what could happen if Takeru _did_ decide to look further into the poem's words than he should.

***********************************

Daisuke hesitantly slipped a folded piece of creamy white paper out of his pocket and slunk towards his destination with focused intensity. 

Third period had almost begun, and Takeru had hurriedly taken off towards his locker a few moments ago to retrieve his forgotten textbook.

This had created the perfect opportunity for Dai to carry out his plan, as Takeru's backpack had remained opened, invitingly perched upon a desk. 

Dai reached the backpack and hastily drew out a book from it, stuffing the piece of paper inside of it and hurriedly replacing it in the bag.

He looked around to make sure that nobody had noticed, and, thankfully for him, no one had. With this, he quickly scampered back to his desk and sat down, just as the late bell began to ring and Takeru rushed in the door, forgotten textbook in hand.

*********************************

Takeru was _not_ having a good day. Strike that, he was having a very _bad_ day. First, he'd spilled juice all over himself that morning, something warranting a change in clothing and a subsequent tardy to first period. _Then_ he'd had to rush out to his locker right before third period to retrieve his foreign language textbook, only barely making it back into the classroom in time to avoid another tardy for the day. After lunch, he'd been privately informed by his PreCalculus teacher that if his grades didn't improve soon, he could fail the semester. 

Finally, though, the day had ended, and for that, Takeru was relieved. After he'd gotten home, Patamon had done his best to cheer him up, and after eating dinner and watching a bit of television, Takeru felt better. He knew that he had to do homework, however, so he grudgingly got off of the couch and sat at the kitchen table, where he'd already laid out some books.

He reached towards his History book and notebook, and set to work immediately.

Or…that is to say he fully _intended_ to set to work immediately. And he would have, too, if he hadn't seen a delicate piece of paper slip out of his book as he opened it, gracefully fluttering to the floor, where it came to rest. 

"What on Earth…?" he wondered aloud as he bent and scooped it off of the ground. He slowly opened the paper, curious as to its contents.

His eyes widened in surprise as he read the words there.

_Frankly,_

_It would be simpler for me_

_If I didn't know I loved you _

_(If I didn't see_

_What I do)._

_Really,_

_I don't know why I even try_

_To continue my existence_

_When it's only one lie_

_Upon another._

_Truly,_

_Nothing's what it seems._

_While we believe we're solid_

_We're only figurines_

_Trying not to break._

_Maybe,_

_If you knew me I could cope._

_My fragile self might strengthen_

_If you retained your hope_

_For my soul._

_Ironically,_

_I lack the courage needed_

_To venture forth a friendship between us_

_(Only to have to keep it_

_Unspoiled by my love)._

_Accordingly,_

_I shall continue, plagued by contemptibility,_

_And remain in shadows by being bold._

_My defensive facade will remain, lamentably,_

_Though perhaps I should not continue so._

_Sadly,_

_I confess these things_

_Only to ease those burdens upon my back._

_I deprecate this confession of my pains,_

_Yet continue anyway, secure in my recondite identity._

_Gladly,_

_I complete this melancholy text,_

_Relieved to have finally spoken something true;_

_I'll think about the consequences tomorrow or the next,_

_But for now I'll just stay back and admire you._

            This unexpected poem was, needless to say, surprising. 

            Takeru was a veteran to being adored, as he'd been the object of many school-age crushes throughout the years, but he'd never come across anything like this.

            He'd received trinkets and chocolates and long, elaborate love letters from the girls (and sometimes even boys) that flirted with him through lowered lashes in the halls at school, but he'd never been the recipient of a love poem, and he found the experience to be quite flattering…as well as something of a puzzle. 

Who would go through all the trouble to write this for and send this to him, only to remain anonymous? 

Takeru was intrigued.

This being the case, he decided to try his damnedest to find out.

After reading the poem over several times, Takeru decided that the secret admirer was most likely a Digidestined.

After all, the writer had even admitted that Takeru gave her (or him) hope, which, while it could have just been a coincidence that she (or he) had used that particular word (which happened to be Takeru's crest), it might not have been.

Add that to the fact that the poem talked about friendship, love, and courage as well, and the general consensus was that the poem writer was a Digidestined, or at least knew of them (which Takeru dismissed as being impossible, as all of them were very careful never to let anybody know about the Digital World or their role in saving it, and the real world as well).

After reaching this conclusion, Takeru was genuinely baffled. Who out of the Chosen Children would do something like this for him?

He decided to make a list of possibilities.

Well, seeing as how the poem said that it was ironic that she (or he) lacked the courage and friendship needed, and then mentioned love and keeping their relationship pure, it was most likely that the crest-holder had at least one of those four mentioned crests.

Takeru began his list.

**_Crest of Love-_**

_Sora,_

_Miyako _ **_Crest of Friendship- _** _Yamato, _ _Daisuke _ **_Crest of Courage- _** _Taichi, _ _Daisuke _ **_Crest of Purity- _** _Miyako_

            Takeru looked over the list and immediately marked off Yamato's name. He was his brother, after all, and besides, Takeru and him hadn't seen each other in two days, so _he _couldn't have slipped the note into his book.

            Neither, for that matter, could Tai or Sora, since he hadn't seen them since last Friday. Besides, Takeru knew for a fact that Sora was happy dating Izzy, and Taichi and Ken were content dating one another (they were practically married, or at least joined to the hip). Takeru marked off Tai and Sora's names.

            Miyako might have had the chance to slip the poem into his backpack when he wasn't looking, as she _did_ go to the same school as him, but Takeru had a hard time believing that his brother's fiancé would do such a thing, so her name was marked off as well.  

            Takeru looked down at his list again.

            Only one name remained.

_Well, this is interesting_ thought Takeru.


End file.
